Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
