If that was your dad, he is hot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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