She is in my trunk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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