but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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