The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
