I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
