Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
