i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
