Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
