Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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