She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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