found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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