if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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