does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
