i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
