how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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