I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
