the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
