SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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