A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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