I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
