I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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