In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
