I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
