why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
