I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
