Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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