I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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