i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
