Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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