he shaved USA in his pubs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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