your parents love me but you hate me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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