We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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