I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
