She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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