I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
