dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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