Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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