i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
