i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
