someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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