I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!