We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with