Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.