I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?