Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..