i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.