I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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