I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
