If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
