Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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