You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
