did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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