worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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