I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
