the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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