"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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