Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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