Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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