Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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