it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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