hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
