he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
