I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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