Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
