I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I could make wine with my vomit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
