They should really pass out barf bags in church
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
