i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
