she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
