my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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