just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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