i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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